I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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