final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
