I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the condom got lost in my hair
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
