He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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