wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
