This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
