fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
