Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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