My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
