He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
