do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
