oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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