my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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