I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
