Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
