and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
