Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He shit in the fireplace
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
