I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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