...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
