woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
