she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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