i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
