for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize