Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
