I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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