Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
