Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
