we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
