she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
