Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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