He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
