So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
