when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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