Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
