come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
