yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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