threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
