3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
