You can't motorboat a personality
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
