So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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