Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
