so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize