kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
