as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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