Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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