i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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