they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
