We named our party play list daddy issues
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
