what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
