if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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