Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
