just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
