Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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