wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
