i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize