R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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