he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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