He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
