i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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