...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
