I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
