so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
