I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
