Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
