First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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