Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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