so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize