so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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