i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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