That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
