it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
