Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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