You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize