I can tuck mytits in my pants
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
