I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
