I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Randomize
