Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
