loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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