I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
