Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
