awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
