Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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