omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
