I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
