My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
