Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
