ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
