It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
