The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize