you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
