Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
